Dom Joly’s launching a monthly Speakeazy in Cheltenham

The comedian with wanderlust reports from Cheltenham

Cheltenham is my home town, and I have had family connections there going back generations. I remember the first time I visited it, back in 1976. My family were living in Lebanon – in the midst of a vicious civil war – and we had briefly escaped the chaos to come and attend my granny’s 90th birthday at the Queen’s Hotel in Cheltenham.

It was pouring with rain, freezing cold and everybody looked very old and very depressed. Cheltenham, back then, was God’s waiting room, full of elderly people wandering about aimlessly. I took one look at the place and thought, ‘If I lived here, I’d kill myself.’

Forty-nine years later and here I am, a proud Cheltonian wandering about town aimlessly.

To be fair, the town has changed a lot since 1976. It’s now more hip than hip operation, and the beautiful Regency architecture is home to an incredible array of events.

But there’s no night out particularly designed for my tastes. I often drive to Oxford or go into London to get my entertainment fixes. So, as I mentioned last month, I’m going to start one: Dom Joly’s SpeakeaZy. The whole project is a bit of a work in progress and will only start to make sense once it gets underway.

Things have progressed, and I have found the perfect venue. I really wanted the thing to be independent and truly local. I had looked at loads of places, but one really stood out. I know that I wanted a night which incorporates all my interests – music, comedy, high/low culture and current affairs.

What I’d really like is an act that comes on every month with Trump Derangement Syndrome. He would stand on stage with a megaphone and hurl abuse at the orange shit-gibbon for half an hour or so. As I said, that’s what I’d want, but that might be a bit too niche, so I’d better be careful when selecting the acts. I actually have a friend who lives in London. She’s an art director but moonlights as a performer at the weekends. I went to see her show without knowing what it involved. This was a mistake. To say that I was gobsmacked would be an understatement. The show took place in the basement of a pub in Hackney. It was low lit and a bit smelly, if I was honest. Then, showtime and on she came… dressed as a horse… a jazz horse. It was a very realistic outfit, and she proceeded to belt out some jazz standards while making overtly sexual shapes with her horse body. It was all rather peculiar. Nobody explained why she was a horse. I seemed to be the only one concerned. Everybody went crazy for the Jazz Horse.

In the old days everything weird and wonderful happened in London. But we live in new, exciting, devolved times. Digital nomads are fleeing the expensive capital and moving to the country.

Cheltenham is currently trying to rebrand itself as the Cotswold Silicon Valley and encourage cyber workers to base themselves in the town. The place is changing fast, as are the tastes. The fabulous festivals that Cheltenham is famous for are great, but I think there’s room for something a little more experimental, something a bit more off the wall.

Besides, I really want to give something back to a town that has been so kind to me over the last six years.

My favourite saying in showbiz is ‘Nobody knows anything’. I know nothing, but I’m going to give the madness another go, but this time, live… from Cheltenham. Come along. You might even meet the Jazz Horse.