Ben Stokes and Gus Atkinson made it beyond 12 o’clock. Shame England’s batters couldn’t do likewise.
The captain and one of his bowlers venturing out past midnight after the final day of the first Test was a root cause of their team-mates being rolled before midday on the final day of the second.
Stokes and Atkinson’s nightclub antics – however minor they now appear to be – meant they were stood down for the Oval encounter and an inexperienced England were shown up in their absence, out-thought and out-skilled by a wily New Zealand side.
We pondered after England’s victory in a frantic first fixture at Lord’s whether the result represented a reset after an error-strewn and chastening Ashes winter.
But after another drink-related episode, and another Test match tonking, it feels like a full-on repeat, except that it is a different Antipodean team dishing out the drubbing.
England lacked tools to compete at Oval
As deflating as the Oval annihilation turned out to be, it was also utterly predictable.
Without Stokes, Atkinson, Ollie Robinson (sore knee) and Jamie Smith (paternity leave) and with three debutants as well as another fast bowler playing only his second Test and first in four years, England just did not have the tools to compete.
It was the equivalent of entering a sword fight with a balloon cutlass.
Joe Root captained an inexperienced England side in Stokes’ absence
Sonny Baker bounded in gleefully but lacked guile at times.
Fellow pacer Matthew Fisher took five wickets in the game yet was often anodyne, with his most telling contribution a surprise half-century from the No 9 spot that cut England’s deficit to 100 runs on first innings and fleetingly flickered hopes of a heist.
Wicketkeeper-batter James Rew endured a torrid outing, with byes flying past him – most of them not his fault, granted – dropped catches and no scores of note.
Stokes’ stand-in as skipper Joe Root presided over an ill-thought-out bouncer barrage on the second morning that allowed New Zealand to plunder 100 runs in under 20 overs and pretty much take the Test away from England.
In Root’s defence, Stokes may have done the same thing as the short-ball theory to lower-order players has been a staple of the latter’s captaincy.
But 1) he may have worked out quicker than Root that it wasn’t working and 2) he may not have left Jofra Archer grazing in the outfield for over an hour while this bumper ploy was being enacted.
Sky Sports’ Michael Atherton and Nasser Hussain reflect on ‘history repeating itself’ after England once again went to the bumper ploy against the opposition lower order
High-stakes Trent Bridge Test starts on Thursday
However, Stokes largely/partially has himself to blame for not being there. He is going to have to wear that. The good news is that he will be able to try and fix the chaos he was part of creating when he returns for the final Test in Nottingham later this week.
What England’s shellacking in south London has done is set up a tantalising series decider. For those of you who love high-stakes sport, you are in for a treat.
An England win and a damaging and puzzling fortnight will be pretty much forgotten. But a defeat and, well, the futures of captain Stokes, coach Brendon McCullum and managing director of cricket Rob Key will be poured over once more.
The intrigue will begin well before the first ball is bowled in the Midlands, with McCullum, who has done a fair amount of public talking since the nightclub incident, due to speak again on Tuesday, when no doubt he will be quizzed again on whether his relationship with his skipper is as tight as it once seemed to be.
Then, on Wednesday, Stokes, who has done no public talking since the nightclub incident (bar the proverbial kind with his bat as he spanked 95 from 118 balls for Durham while England were getting banjaxed by the Black Caps) will have his welcome-back media grilling. There won’t be an empty seat in the house.
Stokes smoked 95 from 118 balls in the County Championship while playing for Durham against Northamptonshire
Stokes set to be grilled by media on Wednesday
The prospect of Stokes holding court in a captain’s press conference looked remote in the immediate aftermath of the nightclub episode. There were reports that he would quit the captaincy. There were even suggestions he could jack in cricket altogether.
If at any point Stokes was contemplating drastic sporting measures, we still don’t know why. Was he annoyed with himself for letting his side down by breaking a curfew – considering how much of a team man he is, that appears possible – or was he peeved at a lack of support from those above him after all he has done for his country?
McCullum and Key had ample opportunity to back Stokes as captain between the first and second Tests but chose not to, so is there a rift?
England head coach Brendon McCullum talks to Sky Sports about his relationship with Stokes
Did Stokes come close to quitting? Did he even know the midnight cut-off was still in place with his partying having come after a game had finished?
What did he make of England’s 4-2 win over Croatia in their football World Cup opener last week and whatever their result is against Ghana on Tuesday?
We may find out answers to these questions – probably not the football ones – and more on Wednesday, but from Thursday onwards it will be about the on-field stuff.
England could be back at full strength in Nottingham
While New Zealand are now in the groove after a sloppy outing at Lord’s, and everything around England remains rather hazy, the hosts should have the weaponry to win, with their XI potentially identical to the one that demolished the Kiwis in the series opener.
Sky Sports’ Nasser Hussain says spinner Shoaib Bashir should return to the XI for the Trent Bridge Test
Stokes back. Atkinson back. Robinson back. Smith back. Shoaib Bashir – left out at The Oval – back (the spinner’s introduction would boost the pitiful over rate if nothing else).
The Stokes-McCullum axis is also back but if things go belly up at Trent Bridge you wonder for how long.
As ever, it is all eyes on Ben Stokes. You wouldn’t back against him riding to the rescue and getting England out of trouble, after his decision to ride into The Rex Rooms following the win at Lord’s plunged them into trouble in the first place.
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