Crying at work – career damaging or just human?

Pictures of a weepy UK Chancellor Rachel Reeves dominated the newspaper front pages and TV news after her tearful appearance at Prime Minister’s Questions earlier this week.

Anecdotally, it’s not unusual to cry at work. Several people got in touch with the BBC to tell us about their experiences.

Clara, 48, from Lancaster, said she had become emotional when she was a young graduate getting a “blasting”, and years later “in frustration”.

“I’ve also cried after receiving bad news from home and left work immediately.”

Emma, meanwhile, felt she had to keep her emotions under wraps because she worked in “a tough male-dominated environment” and would give herself a hard time for “showing emotion or ‘weakness’.”

Although some research has suggested women are more likely than men to cry, plenty of men told us they had also shed tears in front of colleagues.

Guy Clayton, a doctor, said he had often cried “with patients, colleagues and families over the years, when I’ve shared their sadness”.

A 38-year-old from London who works in finance said he had become emotional at work when dealing with personal issues and felt it showed “a professional dedication” to still turn up.

So is crying a strength or a weakness? Executive coach and success mentor Shereen Hoban says it’s old-fashioned to think weeping at work is unacceptable.

“We’ve moved beyond the old-school idea that professionalism means leaving emotion at the door,” she says. “In today’s world, emotional intelligence is a strength, not a liability.”

Career coach Georgia Blackburn says it’s not unusual for people at work to be upset, so firms need to know how to handle and support staff who are feeling a bit fragile.

Ultimately, she says it will mean workers get more done.

“An employer that truly listens, shows compassion and understanding, is so much more likely to keep their staff motivated and happier in the long run,” she says.

That’s been the case for Amanda in Stockport who contacted the Jeremy Vine show on BBC Radio 2.

She cried at a job interview at the University of Manchester 17 years ago, just after her father had been diagnosed with cancer.

She got the job and is still there.

“I cried every day for about nine months until my dad sadly passed away. It just made me realise what an amazing person I work for, and what an amazing place I work at, where that was OK.”

Fashion designer Amy Powney was having a bit of a rough time at the end of last year.

She was having an “intense” time leaving a job, and it coincided with traumatic things happening in her life.

Amy, who founded sustainable fashion brand Akyn earlier this year, also felt pressure to be a “poster child” for ethical fashion.

“My to-do list at that time was: feed the kids, pick them up from school, sort that nursery thing out, design the next collection, make sure the staff are OK, sort out that VAT return… and then save the world,” she told BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour.

“I went through this period of time where I just could not stop crying and I was doing it in public places, I was doing it on stage.”

She thinks that showing emotion at work has been “demonised” and is unapologetic about breaking down.

“I just think bring back the crying, bring back the emotions,” she says.

“Women in leadership should be able to show their emotion. I think it’s a superpower. I think it’s a strength.”

But not everybody thinks that way. Some people are still a teensy bit judgemental, says Ann Francke, chief executive at the Chartered Management Institute (CMI).

Women who weep are seen as “too emotional” while men who mope can be shamed for being soft and vulnerable, she says.

Junior staff can get away with it more than their bosses, but this shouldn’t necessarily be the case, she adds.

“When a senior leader cries, it can be seen as shocking or even inappropriate. But when handled with authenticity, it can also be powerful. It shows that leaders are human and care deeply about what they do,” she says.

But if you want to climb the greasy pole, it could be best to keep a stiff upper lip, at least in some organisations, says executive coach Shereen Hoban.

Crying could affect your promotion prospects, she says. “Let’s be honest. There’s still a bias in some workplaces that sees composure as strength and emotion as instability.”

But she says some organisations see things differently, and value leaders who are “real, self-aware, and able to navigate complexity, including their own emotions”.

She adds that if you break down once at work it “won’t ruin your career”, and that what matters more is the bigger picture:

“Your performance, your presence, and how you bounce back or move forward with intention,” she says.

• Give yourself permission to step back and take a moment

• You don’t need to hide your emotions, it often shows you care deeply about your job – that’s not a bad thing

• But you should feel supported, so maybe talk to a trusted colleague, take a short break or ask for support from your manager or HR

• Managers and colleagues need to acknowledge when their staff are crying – offer a tissue to them, don’t pretend it’s not happening

Provided by the CMI